My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
