I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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