Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
