Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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