Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize