Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
