So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
