My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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