If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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