p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
