If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
