love makes seman taste better
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
