the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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