Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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