Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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