remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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