i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize