I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
where are my eyebrows?
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