i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Pants are for mortals
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize