So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
