Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
