I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
be right there i have to get my cape
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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