So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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