glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
