you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I AM VODKA MAN
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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