I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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