Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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