Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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