You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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