You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
