My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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