where am i from again
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
