dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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