I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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