Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
