so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize