i permit you to call me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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