somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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