We're like a lot better than the average bears
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
