You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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