If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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