i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
