Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
