Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
