dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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