Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
