Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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