Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
