Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
