ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
they need to just BURY HIM!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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