He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
