there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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