paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
