I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
