Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
