The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
