you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I know her cup size but not her name....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
