My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
