just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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