I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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