That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
