u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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