I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
