You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
