ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
