needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
