NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
