i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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