Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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