the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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