I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
