i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize