just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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