if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
