I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
