he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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