dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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