Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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