I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
