Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
