Is it because I queefed?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I deserve this hangover.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I did not marry a roomba.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
