Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
birth control should be required to get into college
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
