just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
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