You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
