covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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