every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize