Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
