I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
