he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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