WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
