In America we eat man semen.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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