There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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