I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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