You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
