First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
