You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
