OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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