well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i think my cat just said my name.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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